THE HOLIDAY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE
Shorter days. Fuller calendars.
Connection, without the pressure.
FROM LEMUEL / OPENING LETTER
I want this magazine to make room for the conversation that does not always fit around a holiday table.
Dear reader, my work in psychiatric care and graduate nursing education shapes what I want this publication to offer: information that is clear enough to use, thoughtful enough to trust, and honest about the complexity of people’s lives.
I do not want to hand you another list of things you should be doing better. I want to help you understand what you are noticing, decide what deserves attention, and find language for the support you need.
Holiday traditions differ. These pages welcome chosen family, people working through the season, people spending it alone, and people who do not celebrate.
THE FEATURE / UNDERSTANDING SAD
A full calendar and a darker afternoon are not the same kind of stress. The difference deserves attention.
Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is depression with a recurrent seasonal pattern, most often beginning in fall or winter and improving in spring or summer. NIMH ↗ It is not the same as sadness or anxiety linked to holiday expectations, family visits, or expenses. NIMH ↗
Winter-pattern symptoms can include oversleeping, increased appetite, low energy, and withdrawing from others, alongside depression symptoms such as loss of interest or hopelessness. NIMH ↗ Rather than deciding on a label yourself, bring a description of what has changed to a clinician.
Has this happened in previous winters?
What is harder to do or enjoy?
When did it begin or improve?
Who could help you take a next step?
These questions organize a conversation. They are not a diagnostic checklist, and help does not have to wait for another season.
THE FEATURE / CONTINUED
SAD is treatable, but a treatment plan is more specific than a brighter room or a motivational message. NIMH describes light therapy, psychotherapy, and antidepressant medication among the options to discuss with a health care professional. NIMH ↗
Light therapy is a treatment.
Discuss the device, timing, eye health, and medications with your clinician; bipolar history requires particular care because light therapy can provoke manic symptoms. Mayo Clinic ↗
Therapy can address the seasonal pattern.
CBT adapted for SAD combines work on unhelpful thoughts with scheduling meaningful, engaging activities. NIMH ↗
Supplements are not a sure solution.
Research on vitamin D for SAD has produced mixed results; discuss supplements and possible interactions rather than self-prescribing a high dose. NIMH ↗
REAL-LIFE PLANNING / STRESS & ROUTINES
Start with what needs protecting. Then decide what fits around it.
Holiday pressures can include money, travel, family expectations, grief, and separation from people we love; added stress can worsen existing mental health or substance use difficulties. SAMHSA ↗ A useful plan does not require pretending those pressures are small.
Try three columns: “keep,” “simplify,” and “skip.” Protect your care appointments and an achievable sleep routine; consider a spending limit, one smaller gathering, or a shorter visit. This is an Ash & Bloom planning exercise, not a test of how well you cope.
“We can join you for lunch. We won’t be staying overnight.”
“Could you check in with me the morning after the gathering?”
RELATIONSHIPS / FAMILY & CHOSEN FAMILY
Connection is the invitation. Agreement on everything is not the requirement.
“I’d like time
with you.
Could we keep
it simple?”
Consider a walk, a shared recipe, a short phone call, or a quiet visit instead of assuming a large gathering is the only meaningful option. Ask what would feel welcoming, and offer a specific invitation with an easy way to decline.
Planning boundaries and connecting with supportive people, including friends or mentors, are approaches discussed in Psychology Today’s holiday family guidance. Psychology Today ↗ Our recommendation: do not make reconciliation or unsafe contact the price of belonging.
For care teams: ask what “family” means to this person, which relationships feel safe, and what kind of connection they actually want. Avoid assuming that attendance or reconciliation is the goal.
GRIEF & BELONGING / WITHOUT FORCED CHEER
Grief and loneliness can become more noticeable during the holidays, including when someone feels disconnected in a room full of people. SAMHSA ↗ On loneliness ↗ There is no obligation to manufacture a cheerful version of the day.
Our invitation is to choose deliberately: keep one tradition, change one, or give yourself permission to decide later. If remembering someone feels right, share a story, prepare their favorite food, or make space for a private ritual. If not, you do not owe anyone a public expression of grief.
Care-team lens: ask about loss, loneliness, daily functioning, and safety without assuming one explanation accounts for everything. The full article includes conversation prompts and support options.
WORK & REST / THE SUNDAY SCARIES
That sinking feeling as a weekend or holiday break ends has a name. Understanding it can make it smaller.
“Sunday scaries” is everyday slang for the anxiety or sadness that rises as the weekend winds down. Merriam-Webster ↗ Clinicians describe it as anticipatory anxiety: stress about something that has not happened yet. Cleveland Clinic ↗
It is common, and it is not only about Sunday. Shift workers, students, caregivers and self-employed people can feel it whenever time off ends. UW Medicine ↗ After a long holiday break, the return can feel steeper still.
Notice when it starts, what it is about, and whether it stays on Sunday.
Treat it as a description, not a diagnosis. Ask how far the dread spreads.
WHEN TO REACH OUT / NEXT STEPS
Some pre-week dread is a normal reaction to change. Consider talking with a health care professional when stress or anxiety is hard to manage, lasts, or gets in the way of daily life. NIMH ↗ For example:
Scan to open our prospective patient form, or open the form online.
The form starts an inquiry. It is not monitored for emergencies and does not by itself create a treatment relationship.
FROM READING TO A CONVERSATION
Already in care? Bring one observation or question to your next visit. Considering care? You can begin by describing what has changed, without arriving with a diagnosis. Supporting others professionally? Use these articles as conversation starters, not an assessment protocol.
Explore an Ash & Bloom consultationPlease do not send private medical information by ordinary email. Ask your care team how to reach support when its office is closed; this magazine is not monitored.
Educational information, not individualized advice or continuing-education credit. Written and clinically reviewed by Lemuel Scott, DNP, PMHNP-BC. No outcome, diagnosis, or endorsement is implied.
Holiday 2026 edition. Research reviewed October 14, 2026; Sunday scaries feature added and reviewed October 31, 2026. Original AI-generated editorial imagery; no patients are pictured. Examples and scripts are illustrative, not testimonials.
Use the arrows to turn the page, or open Contents.
A LETTER FROM LEMUEL
A first issue about making room for real life, not performing a perfect season.
Dear reader,
I wanted our first issue to begin with a subject that leaves room for more than one kind of experience. You may be looking forward to the holidays. You may be wondering how you will get through them. You may be somewhere in between, with gratitude for parts of your life and very little energy left for another expectation. You do not need to choose one feeling to belong in this conversation.
My work in psychiatric care and graduate nursing education shapes what I want this publication to offer: information that is clear enough to use, thoughtful enough to trust, and honest about the complexity of people’s lives. I value clinical knowledge, but I also believe it needs to connect to ordinary decisions. What do I do with a change I have noticed? How do I explain something I do not fully understand? When is it time to ask for more support?
That is why this issue matters to me. I do not want to hand you another list of things you should be doing better. I want to help you understand what you are noticing, decide what deserves attention, and find language for the support you need. There is a difference between offering someone information and leaving them with another assignment they cannot realistically complete.
We chose to look closely at seasonal depression, holiday demands, family connection, and grief. I want us to discuss those subjects without reducing every difficult feeling to a diagnosis or dismissing a meaningful change as “just the holidays.” I also want us to leave room for people whose traditions, relationships, work schedules, and resources do not resemble the usual picture of the season.
If you are already receiving care, I hope something here gives you a question worth bringing to your next visit. If you are considering care, I hope this issue makes the first conversation feel less intimidating. You do not have to arrive with a polished explanation, and reading this magazine does not commit you to becoming a patient.
To the mental health professionals reading alongside you: I hope these articles offer useful language for the conversations you are having, while respecting the judgment and context that individual care requires. The care-team sections are there to deepen the discussion, not to turn every reader into a clinician. We can take evidence seriously and still write in a way that invites people in.
My hope for Fallow & Field is simple. I want it to be something you return to because it helps you think more clearly and feel more able to take the next step, not because it tells you how you are supposed to feel. Read what is useful now. Save the rest for another day, or share a question with someone you trust.
Thank you for making room for this first issue. However you spend the coming weeks, I hope there is room for your needs, your limits, your relationships, and what is real for you.
SEASONAL MOOD / THE FULL FEATURE
What SAD is, what it is not, and how to turn a pattern you have noticed into a more useful care conversation.
Imagine that the calendar still looks manageable, but the day feels harder to begin. You sleep longer, delay returning messages, and find that the walk you used to enjoy now feels like a task. In this illustrative situation, “I’m just busy” might describe part of the story, but it does not answer whether something important has changed.
This feature is an invitation to look at the pattern rather than judge your effort. The aim is not to diagnose yourself from a magazine; it is to arrive at a care conversation with a clearer account of what is happening and what you want help understanding.
Shorter days and holiday demands arrive near each other, but they are not interchangeable explanations for feeling unwell. NIMH distinguishes seasonal affective disorder, a recurrent seasonal form of depression, from the “holiday blues” associated with the stresses of celebrations, visits, or schedules. NIMH
In winter-pattern SAD, depressive symptoms typically begin in late fall or early winter and improve in spring or summer; a less common pattern occurs in the warmer months. NIMH The useful question is not simply “Do I dislike winter?” but “What happens to my mood, functioning, and sense of interest as the seasons change?”
Depression can involve irritability, loss of interest, low energy, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep, hopelessness, and thoughts of death or suicide. NIMH Winter-pattern SAD can also involve oversleeping, overeating with carbohydrate cravings, and withdrawing socially. NIMH
A person might begin by saying, “Each winter I stop answering friends and need much more sleep, even when my workload stays the same.” That is an illustrative description, not a diagnosis; it gives a clinician something more useful to explore than a demand to “be more positive.”
NIMH’s diagnostic description includes depressive episodes in a specific season for at least two consecutive years, with seasonal episodes occurring more often than episodes at other times. NIMH This is part of evaluating a pattern, not an instruction to wait two years before seeking help.
Researchers are still working out the causes of SAD, with most research focused on the winter pattern; NIMH describes possible contributions from serotonin, melatonin, and the body’s adaptation to changes in daylight. NIMH That is more nuanced than saying winter depression is simply a lack of sunshine or a single chemical deficiency.
NIMH also notes that winter-pattern SAD is more common farther north, where winter daylight is shorter, but does not describe it as a condition restricted to those places. NIMH A reader in North Carolina does not need to dismiss a recurring pattern because the weather is milder than it is elsewhere.
Consider making a brief note of when your energy, sleep, appetite, concentration, or interest changed, then add anything else happening at the time. Include work shifts, travel, a loss, medication changes, and periods when you felt better. This is an editorial suggestion for organizing information, not a requirement to track every hour or produce perfect records.
For example: “By late October I was sleeping through my alarm. By November I stopped going to my weekly group. Last spring, my interest and energy seemed to return.” That account gives a clinician a starting point while leaving open other explanations. If tracking becomes burdensome, a few concrete examples are enough to begin.
Pay attention to impact as well as duration. NIMH’s help-seeking guidance highlights difficulty completing tasks, loss of interest, changes in sleep or appetite, and other distressing symptoms, and advises speaking with a provider if milder symptoms worsen or do not improve. NIMH You do not need to wait until every responsibility has become unmanageable before asking a question.
NIMH describes light therapy, psychotherapy, and antidepressant medication as treatment options, used alone or in combination according to the person’s needs. NIMH CBT adapted for SAD includes work on unhelpful seasonal thoughts and behavioral activation, meaning planned engagement in meaningful or enjoyable activities. NIMH
A therapeutic light box is not simply a decorative lamp: appropriate devices, timing, and use should be discussed with a health care professional. Mayo Clinic Bipolar disorder, certain eye conditions, and medications that increase light sensitivity require particular attention before treatment. Mayo Clinic NIMH
Evidence for vitamin D as a SAD treatment is mixed, and supplements can interact with medicines. NIMH Ask about your situation rather than assuming a supplement can replace an assessment or that a higher dose will work better.
NIMH describes behavioral activation in CBT-SAD as identifying and scheduling engaging activities to address the loss of interest that can accompany seasonal depression. NIMH In plain language, a treatment conversation may explore how to rebuild contact with things that matter, rather than waiting for motivation to feel completely restored.
An illustrative starting point might be a brief planned walk with a friend instead of an ambitious daily fitness goal, or preparing one familiar meal instead of promising to overhaul your diet. The activity, pace, and support should fit the person. This is not advice to push through severe symptoms or a claim that a walk replaces treatment; it is an example of the kind of practical problem-solving you can discuss in therapy.
A randomized study followed 177 adults with recurrent major depression with a seasonal pattern after six weeks of CBT-SAD or light therapy; outcomes did not differ during the first follow-up year. Rohan and colleagues, 2016 At the second winter, recurrence measured by the study’s seasonal-depression interview was lower in the CBT-SAD group, 27.3% compared with 45.6% in the light-therapy group. Study abstract
That finding is worth discussing, not turning into a universal ranking of treatments. It comes from a specific adult study population and follow-up design, not a prediction of what will happen to one reader or evidence that light therapy is ineffective. The practical question is how the treatment you choose now connects to a realistic plan for future seasons.
NIMH notes that people with a history of SAD may benefit from discussing treatment timing before their usual season of symptoms, while also acknowledging limited prevention research. NIMH Consider asking when to check in again, what early changes to notice, and who to contact if the initial plan is not helping.
Bring a brief timeline, a medication and supplement list, and examples of what has become harder. These are suggested discussion prompts, not a self-screening instrument.
If you are struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 in the United States; call 911 in a life-threatening situation. NIMH You do not have to establish a seasonal pattern before asking for support.
STRESS & ROUTINES / THE FULL ARTICLE
A realistic holiday plan begins with your actual capacity, not the version of the season you feel expected to deliver.
Picture a person who has agreed to host dinner, travel the following weekend, cover an extra shift, and buy gifts on a budget that was already tight. None of those commitments looks impossible on its own. Taken together, the plan leaves no room for an ordinary inconvenience, a difficult night, or the person’s own needs. This is an illustrative example, not a patient account.
The first useful question is not necessarily “Which relaxation exercise should I add?” It may be “Which part of this plan can change?” This article offers a way to separate demands, protect essentials, and prepare for difficult moments without treating the season as another performance review.
Holiday stress can come from financial pressure, gift expectations, family interactions, grief, and distance from loved ones, and can worsen mental health or substance use difficulties. SAMHSA Before adding another coping task, name which demands are actually making the season hard.
For one person, the problem may be three overnight visits and no private space. For another, it may be working while others celebrate, paying for travel, or trying to protect recovery in a setting where alcohol is central. These are illustrative situations, not patient stories, and they call for different plans.
NIMH describes stress as a response to an external cause, while anxiety can remain even without an immediate threat; both can involve worry, tension, physical discomfort, and lost sleep. NIMH The distinction is not a self-diagnosis exercise, but it can help organize a conversation about what kind of support would be useful.
Try writing two short sentences: “The demand I am facing is…” and “The prediction I keep making is….” For example, the demand may be choosing where to spend a holiday; the prediction may be that one disappointed relative means the relationship is ruined. You can address the actual decision while asking whether the prediction leaves room for any other outcome.
Some pressures will remain after a breathing exercise, and some worry will remain after a logistical problem is solved. Avoid treating either situation as proof of failure. NIMH recommends professional support when stress or anxiety is difficult to manage, persistent, or interfering with daily life. NIMH
On paper, divide your upcoming commitments into three columns. In “keep,” put what is important and realistic; in “simplify,” put what could be smaller or shared; in “skip,” put what you are willing to decline this year. This Ash & Bloom exercise is a planning aid, not a validated assessment.
Try protecting essentials before filling the remaining spaces: a workable sleep routine, meals, time to recover from demanding days, and your existing care plan. SAMHSA recommends prioritizing sleep, balanced eating, activity, and time for practices that help you recharge. SAMHSA
A plan could be as ordinary as agreeing on a gift limit, attending one gathering instead of three, arranging your own ride, or sharing the cooking. Ask, “Which change would make the largest difference for the least extra effort?” rather than trying to redesign your whole life in December.
As a planning exercise, write down the tasks surrounding an event: remembering preferences, shopping, coordinating travel, arranging care, cleaning before and afterward, and responding to messages. Then ask who has actually agreed to each task. “We are all helping” is less clear than “I will buy groceries, you will cook, and another person will handle cleanup.”
If a task cannot be shared, ask whether it needs to happen at all or needs to happen in the same way. A meal with fewer dishes, a gift exchange with a firm limit, or an afternoon visit can still be a deliberate choice. The point is not to optimize every minute; it is to stop building a plan that depends on one person having unlimited capacity.
Money deserves the same specificity. Consider setting the amount you can spend before choosing gifts or travel, then telling others what you have decided. “I’m keeping gifts modest this year” is a complete message; it does not require disclosing private financial details. These suggestions are practical planning options, not financial advice or a guarantee that other people will agree.
SAMHSA recommends making a plan in advance for moments of stress, sadness, or loneliness, including supportive contact or an activity that helps. SAMHSA Make that plan concrete enough to use when you are tired: who to contact, where you can step away, and what you can leave undone.
These are examples to adapt, not rules. Your plan should fit your finances, responsibilities, culture, access needs, and relationships.
Holiday events and loneliness can create particular challenges for people in recovery; SAMHSA recommends planning how to navigate these situations and staying connected to support. SAMHSA Consider discussing travel, medication supply, office closures, and the support you may need before a difficult date arrives.
Do not change prescribed medication on your own to accommodate an event. bpHope’s physician-led holiday guidance recommends discussing changes with the treating clinician and making contact when a mood change begins. bpHope A good planning conversation can also include the period after the holidays, not only the event itself.
NIAAA recommends offering alcohol-free choices, emphasizing food and activities that do not revolve around alcohol, labeling food or drinks containing alcohol, and not calling attention to guests who decline a drink. NIAAA If you are hosting, make those choices ordinary parts of the event rather than accommodations someone has to request publicly.
If you are protecting recovery, consider discussing the event with your treatment or support network beforehand: whether you want to attend, how to leave, and whom to contact if the situation becomes difficult. A person does not owe the host their treatment history. For someone who drinks heavily or may be physically dependent, abruptly stopping can be dangerous; seek medical guidance for a safe plan rather than using a holiday challenge as a do-it-yourself detox. NIAAA
Before the gathering, decide what the following day needs and what it does not. Leave room for food, sleep, necessary responsibilities, and a supportive check-in instead of scheduling a second round of demands by default. If you work through the holiday, adapt this idea to the next available period of rest rather than assuming everyone has the same calendar.
Review the plan with curiosity: what helped, what cost more than expected, and what would you change next time? The aim is a usable lesson, not a score. If the difficult feelings persist or functioning worsens, do not assume that more disciplined planning is the only answer; bring the change to a professional conversation.
RELATIONSHIPS / THE FULL ARTICLE
Connection does not have to mean a crowded room, a repaired relationship, or agreement on every difficult subject.
Consider a familiar kind of holiday dilemma: you want to see someone you care about, but you are already preparing for a conversation you do not want to have. Perhaps it concerns your relationship, your treatment, your finances, or why you did not visit more often. The invitation feels like both an opportunity and an obligation. This is an illustrative situation, not a report about any patient or family.
You do not have to decide that the relationship is entirely good or entirely bad before making a plan. Start by asking what you want from the contact, what you can realistically offer, and what you need to protect. Those questions leave more room than the all-or-nothing choice between attending everything and disappearing completely.
Holiday family guidance from Psychology Today emphasizes planning ahead, setting boundaries, and connecting with supportive people, including friends and mentors rather than only relatives. Psychology Today Start with a more useful question than “Should I go?”: “What kind of contact would feel worthwhile and manageable?”
The answer might be breakfast with one sibling, helping a relative with a recipe, a short visit before a work shift, or a video call with chosen family. These are possibilities, not a hierarchy; a smaller interaction does not have to be treated as a failed version of a larger celebration.
Try “Would you enjoy a walk Saturday, or would a call be easier?” instead of asking someone to invent a plan from scratch. If you are hosting, ask privately about timing, food, quiet space, access needs, and whether an invitation should include someone important to them.
SAMHSA encourages specific invitations, regular check-ins, intentional phone or video contact, and listening without judgment when someone feels isolated. SAMHSA Leave room for “not this time,” and avoid treating a declined invitation as a demand for an explanation.
SAMHSA recommends open-ended questions, listening without judgment, reflecting back what you heard, and asking how the person would like support. SAMHSA Those are useful principles whether you are checking in about mental health or trying to understand why a usual holiday plan no longer fits.
Try beginning with “What has this season been like for you?” rather than “You’re coming, right?” If someone says they are exhausted, reflect the point before offering a solution: “It sounds like even good plans feel like another demand right now.” Then ask whether they want company, practical help, a different invitation, or simply someone to listen.
Listening does not require you to agree with every interpretation of an event. A useful distinction is between acknowledging an experience and deciding who is right: “I hear that the comment hurt” does not require settling an entire family disagreement. Avoid turning the first response into a debate about whether the person should feel that way.
If the person does not want to talk, SAMHSA suggests letting them know you are available when they are ready, and asking about follow-up when a conversation does happen. SAMHSA Respecting a pause is different from withdrawing the invitation to be supported.
A boundary can name what you will discuss, how long you will stay, or what you will do if a conversation becomes disrespectful. Planning topics and rehearsing responses are approaches included in Psychology Today’s holiday guidance. Psychology Today
These scripts are original examples, not guarantees of another person’s response. Adapt the language to your voice and the safety of the situation.
As an editorial exercise, separate three things that can become tangled together. A request names what you would like another person to do; a limit names what you are available for; a next step names what you will do if the situation becomes unworkable. This framework is a way to prepare, not a promise that difficult conversations will go smoothly.
For example: “Please do not comment on my body” is a request. “I am not participating in a conversation about my weight” is a limit. “If it continues, I will step outside or leave” is a next step. Choose a response you can actually carry out, taking transportation, childcare, finances, and safety into account.
You may not need a long explanation. Try stating the limit once, repeating it briefly if needed, and deciding whether to continue the conversation. The objective is not to win a courtroom argument about whether your boundary is justified; it is to make a realistic choice about your own participation.
Consider sending practical information before the event: when food will be served, how long the gathering may last, whether guests can arrive late or leave early, and whom to ask about access needs. Offer a quieter space if one is available, and avoid requiring someone to explain a private health concern in front of other guests.
Make declining alcohol unremarkable. NIAAA advises hosts not to call attention to people who are not drinking and to offer varied alcohol-free options and activities that do not center alcohol. NIAAA “There are several drinks over here” is more welcoming than demanding to know why someone changed their usual choice.
Ask before photographing, posting, or sharing personal news about someone else. Treat the person’s privacy as part of hosting, not as a problem they must defend. These are suggested practices for a considerate gathering, not a checklist that guarantees everyone will feel comfortable.
Our editorial recommendation is to leave room for distance when contact is unsafe, coercive, or repeatedly harmful. Do not make a holiday meal the deadline for resolving a serious relational injury, and do not pressure someone to explain why they are protecting themselves.
If you want to reconsider contact but are unsure how, discuss the choice with a trusted support person or treating professional. You can also build a plan around relationships that already offer respect, including friends, neighbors, faith or cultural communities, and chosen family.
If your own delivery was hurtful, consider separating an apology from the boundary itself: “I am sorry I raised my voice. I still need us not to discuss that topic.” That lets you take responsibility for an action without agreeing that your need for privacy or a shorter visit was wrong.
You can also postpone a conversation that deserves more time than a crowded holiday table allows. “This matters, and I do not want to rush it here” creates a different option from either silence or a public confrontation. Offer another time only if you genuinely want and are able to follow through.
If the concern is a loved one’s mental health, do not make the gathering an audience for an assessment. Ask permission to speak privately, describe what you have noticed without assigning a diagnosis, and ask how you can support a next step. SAMHSA notes that help-seeking may involve multiple conversations, and recommends kindness, curiosity, and attention to the person’s strengths. SAMHSA
GRIEF & BELONGING / THE FULL ARTICLE
There can be room for remembrance, mixed feelings, and a different kind of holiday. Support does not require a cheerful performance.
An ordinary detail can become the most difficult part of a holiday: the recipe someone used to make, a name missing from the group message, or the trip home after everyone else has left. In this illustrative scene, the challenge is not necessarily the whole celebration. It is the space around it, and the expectation that the day should carry on as if nothing changed.
This article does not offer a timetable for feeling better. It offers ways to think about the day, ask for more useful support, and recognize when the weight of what you are carrying deserves additional care.
SAMHSA notes that grief and loss can feel more intense around the holidays and encourages checking in with people who may be alone or struggling. SAMHSA Rather than demanding that the day feel normal, begin by asking what would make it bearable or meaningful this year.
You might be missing a person, a place, a relationship, or the way life used to look. The invitation here is not to rank those experiences or decide how someone should feel, but to make enough room to name what is absent.
The National Institute on Aging describes grief after a death as involving a range of feelings, including numbness, shock, fear, guilt, and anger, with no single correct way to mourn. NIA It also notes that sleep, appetite, concentration, and decision-making can be affected. NIA
That gives us a reason to ask about more than tears. “What part of the day is hardest to manage?” may open a different conversation from “Are you still sad?” A person may want help preparing a meal, sorting out a practical task, or deciding how to answer invitations rather than advice about how to feel.
NIA also acknowledges mixed reactions, including surprise or guilt when someone laughs or enjoys a visit while grieving. NIA You do not have to turn a moment of pleasure into a declaration that you are finished mourning, or a hard moment into proof that every previous good day was false.
As an Ash & Bloom reflection exercise, consider three choices: keep a tradition that still feels supportive, change one that no longer fits, or pause one without making a permanent decision. A family might share a favorite story; someone else might prefer an ordinary meal and a quiet evening.
Ask before creating a public remembrance or placing someone at the center of a gathering’s emotions. “Would you like us to mention them today?” leaves more room than assuming that silence or a tribute is what the person needs.
Consider an illustrative family in which one person wants the familiar dinner unchanged, another wants to mention the person who died, and another cannot face the gathering at all. Rather than deciding which response is the most loving, ask what each person hopes to preserve and what feels too difficult right now.
There may be room for more than one plan: a brief shared remembrance, an optional gathering, and permission for someone to step out without explaining themselves. If agreement is not possible, make the next decision smaller. You can decide what to do this year without declaring how every future holiday must look.
For people mourning a relationship, a former home, or another life change rather than a death, the language in this issue may still offer useful reflection. The NIA bereavement guidance concerns death-related grief; it should not be treated as a diagnostic explanation for every kind of loss. Ask what the change means to you rather than forcing it into a category just to make it understandable to others.
A person can feel lonely while surrounded by others; SAMHSA distinguishes disconnection within gatherings from simply being physically alone. SAMHSA Do not assume that a busy social calendar answers the question of whether someone feels supported.
SAMHSA suggests shared-interest groups, intentional phone or video contact, community activities, and specific invitations as ways to foster connection. SAMHSA Consider one contact you would genuinely welcome, rather than measuring success by the number of people you see.
These are illustrative scripts, not a formula. Follow the person’s preferences, and avoid promises you cannot realistically keep.
NIA describes the practical adjustment after a partner’s death, including tasks that the other person used to handle, and recommends reaching out for help and maintaining health care. NIA If you are offering support, ask about one concrete need rather than assuming that company is always the most helpful gift.
Possibilities include a meal, a ride, help locating a document, walking a pet, or sitting together while an intimidating task gets started. Ask first, name what you can genuinely do, and follow through at the agreed time. “I can bring dinner on Wednesday” is easier to evaluate than an offer whose meaning and timing are left entirely to the person who is struggling.
Consider checking in after the holiday as well as on it. Ask whether a message, a call, or quiet company would be welcome, and do not make a reply the price of continued care. Avoid using the lack of a quick response as a reliable measure of how much the relationship matters.
SAMHSA encourages seeking help when mental health difficulties feel overwhelming or hard to manage, and points readers toward professional and community resources. SAMHSA Asking for support does not require you to stop grieving, adopt a diagnosis, or prove that you have tried enough on your own.
In a crisis, call or text 988 in the United States; call 911 for a life-threatening emergency. NIMH If you are already in care, ask how to access support during holiday closures rather than assuming an inbox is monitored.
NIA describes grief counseling, support groups, community resources, and hospice bereavement support as options; it notes that hospice workers may offer bereavement support even when hospice was not used before the death. NIA Availability, cost, and eligibility vary, so ask what a local service actually offers rather than assuming every program is open to everyone.
You might ask whether a group focuses on a particular kind of loss, whether it is facilitated, how it handles privacy, and whether attendance requires speaking. If a group is not a fit, that does not settle whether individual support, a different group, or a practical community service might be useful.
NIA recommends telling a health care provider when grief-related difficulties interfere with everyday care such as dressing, hygiene, or preparing meals, and seeking additional support when sorrow makes daily life difficult. NIA That is a more useful reason to reach out than comparing your grief with someone else’s timeline.
As a reflection exercise, choose one manageable anchor for the morning, one point of contact, and one option if the original plan becomes too much. The anchor might be breakfast and a familiar routine; the contact might be a planned call; the alternative might be leaving a gathering early or spending part of the day elsewhere. Keep the plan flexible enough to change without turning the change into another disappointment.
Also decide what can remain undecided. You may not know in advance whether you want to look at photographs, join a ritual, or stay for dessert. It is reasonable to communicate that uncertainty: “I would like to come, and I may need to decide how long to stay once I am there.”
WORK & REST / THE FULL FEATURE
Why the end of a weekend, or a holiday break, can bring a wave of dread, what tends to help, and how to tell when it deserves a care conversation.
Picture a Sunday afternoon that starts well. Breakfast was slow, the errands are done, and there is a movie planned for the evening. Then, somewhere around four o'clock, a thought arrives: the inbox, the Monday meeting, the task left unfinished on Friday. The movie still plays, but attention has already left the room. This is an illustrative example, not a patient story, and many readers will recognize it.
That feeling has a popular name. This feature explains what it is, why it happens, which everyday habits many people find helpful, and when the pattern deserves more than a self-help list. It is written for people living with the feeling and for professionals who hear about it in their work.
“Sunday scaries” is slang for feelings of anxiety or sadness that arise as the weekend comes to an end, either because the work or school week is about to begin, because free time is running out, or both. Merriam-Webster It is not a medical diagnosis. Psychologists describe it as a form of anticipatory anxiety: worry about something that has not happened yet. Cleveland Clinic
It is also widely shared. An often-cited LinkedIn survey found that 80% of professionals experience the Sunday scaries. Cleveland Clinic Despite the name, it is not tied to one day. People who work shifts, work for themselves or work from home can feel the same dread whenever they move from time off back into work. UW Medicine Children, students, parents and caregivers can have their own version as they anticipate the week ahead. Psychology Today
The brain is built to look ahead and prepare for challenges. Commonly reported drivers include workload, juggling personal and professional to-do lists, and carrying unfinished tasks into a new week. Uncertainty plays a part too: when we do not know what the week will bring, the mind tends to fill in the blanks. Psychology Today
There is often a second layer: regret about time off that went too fast or plans that did not happen. Part of the shift is moving from time you control to a week shaped by other people's demands. UW Medicine Sometimes the job itself is the issue. Tight deadlines, worry about job security, exhaustion and burnout can all feed the dread. ACAMS
The holidays can make this sharper. A longer break means a bigger transition back, and the first workday of a new year can carry year-end expectations along with it. The return does not need to be perfect. It only needs to be planned in a way you can manage.
For many people the unease builds in the late afternoon or evening. Some feel it as soon as they wake up. It is often described as a pit in the stomach that grows as the day goes on. Cleveland Clinic Physical reactions can include a racing heartbeat, sweating, trembling, an upset stomach, headaches and trouble sleeping. Cleveland Clinic Others notice restlessness, irritability or a vague sense that something is wrong. Healthline
A useful sign is attention. If you planned to spend Sunday with family or a book but your mind keeps going back to Monday's list, the anticipation has taken over the present moment. Cleveland Clinic podcast
One important caution: chest pain, fainting, severe shortness of breath or symptoms that feel different from your usual pattern should be checked medically right away. Do not assume they are anxiety.
The ideas below are general wellness suggestions, not treatment. They do not replace care from your own clinician, and what helps one person may not help another. Cleveland Clinic Pick one or two to try, not all of them at once.
This is an Ash & Bloom reflection exercise, not a validated clinical tool. Adapt it to your schedule, culture and responsibilities.
A note on medication and substances: do not start, stop or change any prescribed medication on your own to manage Sunday stress, and talk with your prescriber about any changes. If alcohol or other substances have become the usual way to get through Sunday night, that is worth raising with a professional rather than handling alone.
Occasional dread before a new week is a normal response to change. NIMH recommends seeking professional help when stress or anxiety is difficult to manage, persistent, or interfering with daily life. NIMH In practical terms, consider reaching out when:
The phrase is useful because patients use it. Treat it as the patient's description of an experience, then look underneath it. Our suggested approach:
Bringing a clear description to a visit is often more useful than arriving with a label. You might note when the feeling starts, what it is about, what you have tried and how it affects your week.
Scan the code with your phone camera to open our prospective patient form, or open the form online. Already a patient? Bring this topic to your next visit.
The form starts an inquiry with our practice. It is not monitored for emergencies and does not by itself create a treatment relationship.
This article is general education. It is not medical advice, a diagnosis or a substitute for care from a qualified professional who knows your history. Reading it does not create a clinician-patient relationship with Lemuel Scott or Ash & Bloom Wellness. Examples are illustrative, not patient stories.